I feel lost. Stuck in a cycle of short term thinking and unable to envision my long term future, goals, and dreams. For the last couple months I have been trapped in cycles of anxiety and depression that feel all-consuming. There are days when I feel like everything has always been terrible and will always be terrible even though I intellectually know that is not true.
There are good days too. I am surrounded by amazing and supportive friends and chosen family. And I am staying connected with my bio family and feeling loved by them. I take time for self care and I go to fun events. But mostly I have been focusing more on cultivating close friendships and relationships and insulating myself more than usual.
I’m still not sure if my anti-depressant is working. But I do know that any long term solution involves getting my mental health to a more manageable state. Particularly regarding gender. I know I am not yet where I want to be but I don’t know what next steps would feel affirming much less safe.
I want to stop focusing on the little things that need solving now and be able to see the big picture again. But how do I get there?