I just want to say how incredibly thankful I am for my spouse/anchor partner and the chosen family I’ve built. I cannot emphasize enough how helpful it is, especially during transition, to have people in your life who love you both for who you are and for how you change. Because change is inevitable no matter what your circumstances. As Octavia Butler says in her Earthseed series:
“All that you touch You Change.
All that you Change Changes you.
The only lasting truth is Change.”
I’ve had too many relationships in my life, both romantic and platonic, where I was expected to remain the way they saw me when we first met. Where their idea of who I am was more important than actually getting to know who I am. I spent 7 years in a relationship with my ex-wife where I was denigrated for becoming who I truly am. And life is too short for that. As far as I know we only get one shot at this and I’m not going to spend it pretending to be what someone else wants me to be.
It’s not an easy path to leave those people behind and venture into the unknown but because I’m living my truth, I have found people who love me for it. The hardest thing to find is the people who can honestly face change and love you through it and for it. Sometimes change means that relationship structures need to change as well. But that doesn’t necessarily mean that you need to lose that person. I’m particularly grateful to my platonic long-term partner who not only has remained part of my family after we stopped dating but lives with me and supports me daily.
For all of you in unhealthy relationships or who are despairing of ever finding people who can love you like that I just want to say that you are unique and special and deserving of love. And I promise that there are people out there who can love you for who you are. I despaired for so long because I was convinced that I could never be lovable for the aspects of myself I feared or hated. But life has proved that belief wrong many times over. So don’t get desperate and compromise your values or self-worth. Keep living your truth and becoming the best self you can be.