I finally got a haircut this weekend and I feel so free and like myself again!
I spent a lot of time the last couple weeks leading up to my haircut agonizing over what to do. It turns out I have a lot of feelings wrapped up in my hair and I have a hard time balancing my needs.
I’ve been trying to grow out my hair, at least on one side, because I want to be more obviously feminine and hopefully get misgendered less often (or at least as “she” not “he”). But I’m not sure how much of that is just to meet perception and societal expectations and how much I actually want long hair. Because every time I grow it out I feel miserable. Mostly because my hair gets in my face all the time and that annoys me more than just about anything. I have a lot of social anxiety / nervous ticks around keeping my hair neat and tidy which turns out doesn’t mix well with long curly hair.
I’m not sure if I’ve completely given up on that but I did need a solution that kept my hair more out of my eyes. I also want my hair to signal my queerness which I think is an even higher priority for me. And one way to do that is with asymmetry and shaving the side of my head.
I’ve been doing the shaved side pretty much since I came out 4 years ago but it had been getting long in my attempt to grow it out. I used to shave both sides and the back of my head to just have it longer on top. But this time I decided to do a higher uppercut to eliminate some of the part on the front and top that falls in my eyes and leave the back curly. I also bleached and dyed my hair purple again yesterday.
I really like how it turned out and I feel very feminine and very aggressively queer which is my goal. It’s amazing how much my emotional state relates to the state of my hair. And I’m very thankful for a great stylist who knows me well and gets what I’m saying when I come to her with a problem.