I started this decade still thinking I was mostly a man and mostly straight. I had just gotten married in what I could already tell was a terrible relationship and I stuck with it for 6 years because I thought that I would never be loved for who I actually was. And because of that, I put all my gender and sexuality questions on the back burner for over 5 years.
I’m beginning this decade with a new name and a much clearer picture of who I am. I’ve finally recognized why I was always different and claimed the complicated womanhood that I always had. I have built a stronger queer community and found more love than I could have possibly imagined.
Transition and self exploration are hard work. But with my gender confirmation surgery coming up in 7 months, I feel like the hardest parts are almost over. If I can make it through this year, I will hopefully have some relief from the intensity of dysphoria that has been in the background since puberty.
There is light at the end of the tunnel and I know that I’ve made it this far because of the many people who have supported me and made this corner of the world a safer place to be myself.
Finding Haven 