I know that I’ve spent the last 4 years here writing mostly about my transition. And lately I’ve been very focused on surgery. But I want to take a moment here and remind you that being Trans is about so much more than Transition.
I started my social transition around the time I started this blog 4 years ago, but eventually that period of my life will end and my life will go on. Because ultimately this period is going to hopefully be a blip in the grand scheme of my life. And while I talk a lot about the challenges of transition and life as a trans person, I hope you’ve also taken away how rewarding my life is now that I am able to be my most authentic self.
My life is about so much more than transition and the world is filled with thousands of trans people living their lives, creating art, building relationships, and doing so many more amazing things than just transitioning.
The reason I share my (very privileged) story here is in the hope that by baring my soul and opening myself up to you readers, other trans people don’t have to do that education work. I live my life as an open book because that’s who I am. But for so many people, the stories I share are painful memories and open wounds.
So please, do not take away from my blog that it is ok to ask Trans people about their bodies, their journey, their medical details, and especially not “the surgery.” There are a million reasons why including that a LOT of trans people never want surgery. But the most important reason is simply that it’s none of your fucking business!
Our lives are not a performance for your benefit. Our stories are not open to your analysis unless we choose to make them open like I am here.
I write my story first and foremost for myself. Because I’ve found immense therapeutic benefit to writing out the burning thoughts in my head here. It really helps me crystallize what my brain is ruminating on and gives me an outlet for my emotions that benefits more people than just myself.
When I first came here, I honestly never thought that people would ready my work. I wrote this blog so that I, with my terrible memory shaped by trauma, could remember what I was thinking at each step along the way. And that’s still the primary reason I write. I never expected over 14,000 readers to visit my blog more than 27,000 times.
And while I’m very honored that you take the time to read my thoughts and sometimes rantings, I want to be very clear that this should not be your expectation of what being trans is like for everyone. Each person has a different path and honestly if there’s anything I could impress on you about the Trans Community it is that each of us is far more different than we are similar.
One thought on “Trans is More than Transition”
Hi Haven, you have written an excellent post. You express a similar view to why you write as I do.
I have to say that after 13 months after I officially started to transition by coming out to my therapist, transitioning is the primary focus of my life still. I think about often and talk to my girlfriend of 30+ years a good deal. She once said I was obsessed. I now almost agree with her, but I still don’t see it as meeting the requirements. I have read that my focus is a common phenomenon for transitioning individuals. But, my life does go on. I do the same things on a day to day basis. I cook and I bake, and take my walks twice a day if I can get them.
I will close by saying I loved your reason for people not to ask about surgery, “it’s none of your fucking business!”
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