Now that I’ve completed the biggest step in my transition and relieved a major source of dysphoria, my mind is once again turning to the question of when my transition is “over.”
I look in the mirror most days and don’t recognize my face. Yes, it is significantly better than it was even a few months ago but the face I see doesn’t look like a woman most of the time, especially without femme accessories added. It doesn’t really feel male either which is progress, but I still don’t feel like me.
I find myself pondering whether facial feminization surgery (FFS) is something that I should consider. Or if it is hopeless to expect my face to ever be something I enjoy. Do I just need to work on self acceptance, or do I need to make bigger changes? Do I have an unreal image of myself (dysmorphia)? And is that rooted in internalized fatphobia?
None of these are questions I have answers to yet. But I am trying to have compassion for my brain. And remind myself that “passing” as a cis woman isn’t the goal or even achievable. I will always stand out in a crowd and maybe that’s ok. I’m fat, loud, and mostly unapologetic. And people can take that or leave it.
One thought on “When does transition end?”
Thank you for sharing.
While, I am actively transitioning myself, I feel that transitioning never ends. Yes there will come a point hopefully where I have done all that I can to present as a woman and be seen as one.
But, I also feel that if growth as a person is a transition in itself then my transition will never end.
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