Today I did something scary for me – cosplay at Geek Girl Con for the second time.
Last year I did Stevonnie from Steven Universe and I put a lot of work into my costume but ended up not feeling great about the photos because I really felt dysphoric about my ridiculous grin with braces. This year I wasn’t going to do one due to money and because I’m not feeling great about my body during transition most of the time. It’s also hard to do cosplay when you are larger and fat. Most out of the box things don’t fit well.
But 2 weeks ago I found the Captain Marvel jacket I’ve wanted since the movie came out on sale and decided to go all in. I found red boots, red gloves, patterned leggings, and even a matching shirt for when I needed to cool off. It took a lot of returns and online orders to find things that fit me but I managed to get it all together in time.
And I have to say, even though I’m not a big fan of all the photos, I felt much more confident in my outfit today. Captain Marvel / Carol Danvers is my personal hero. She is strong, fiercely feminist, and doesn’t give a fuck. And the best part is that she doesn’t smile a lot. So I don’t have to worry about braces in my photos.
There is not a lot of representation in media that I feel like I can cosplay. Until recently, I never saw people like me on film. Heroes with big thighs, jiggly bellies, and are tall and curvy. And even now there aren’t many queer, trans, or nonbinary characters available in geekdom. But that number is growing every year and I strongly believe in making a character your own. I don’t wear a wig because I want to be MY version, not an exact imitation of the actor.
I’m excited to go back tomorrow and continue to own Captain Marvel and walk around feeling confident in my leather jacket and stompy boots.